10 secrets for a happier life according to a psychologist

Step outside your comfort zone

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“It could be something as simple as standing up and speaking in front of your book club or putting your hand up for a volunteer role on your local fundraising committee,” Clare explains.

“While you might feel nervous initially, there can be a huge sense of pride that comes from embracing the unknown, which you didn’t have before.”

Not only will it make you feel more alive thanks to a surge of adrenaline and feel-good hormones but you’ll also find it much easier to push your boundaries in the future.

Invest in experiences, not things

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Rather than splurging on the latest iPhone or trendy handbag, you’ll experience a greater sense of happiness if you spend your money on memorable experiences – like treating your best friend to a posh high tea. Even the most gorgeous designer accessory, while lovely to look at, won’t change you deep inside… but a weekend walking trip just might!

Let go of toxic relationships

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Friendships are a vital ingredient for happiness and often help as feel better – but not always. Sometimes we can fall into the trap of hanging onto unhealthy relationships because they’re familiar. However, unbalanced alliances seldom work and often result in someone being constantly let down. If you’re the one putting in all the work, Clare says it’s time to re-evaluate your relationship. “What you get out of your friendships ultimately affects your physical and emotional health, on it pays to focus your attention on strengthening healthy relationships and letting go of toxic friends,” she advises.

Foster a positive mindset

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Letting go of regret is easier said than done but, as Clare explains, agonising over things you can’t change won’t solve anything – it only makes you feel worse.

“You only have to think about what made you upset in the first place and all those initial negative thoughts start to come back – often accompanied by a surge in the stress hormone cortisol,” she explains. “Instead, focus on how you can move forward positively and start taking those steps.”

Stop being a people pleaser right now

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Changing aspects of your personality to please others or prevent them from being disappointed can only lead to one place – unhappiness.

Instead of seeking someone else’s approval or validation by pretending to be something or someone you’re not, it’s better to be yourself and let your natural behaviour flow. According to researchers from Claremont Graduate University in the US, this actually increases the amount of the hormone oxytocin in the brain, naturally boosting your happiness.

Instant, quick-fixes for a happier mood

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Put on a happy face. A study published in the Psychological Sciencejoumal found that when you’re feeling stressed or down, just smiling and looking like you’re cheerful can decrease your stress levels and make you feel happier.
Give a compliment. Giving Is better than receiving. “When you give someone a compliment, not only will you make their day better, but you’ll also get to share in their joy because happiness is contagious,” says Clare.
Count your blessings. People who do a daily gratitude exercise, such as writing down three things that went well that day, experience higher levels of happiness and are more optimistic, a University of California study found.
Pay it forward. Random acts of kindness can make you feel happier, researchers from Stanford University in the US revealed.
Look at your dog. A study published in the Hormones And Behavior journal found that interacting with your dog and Looking into its eyes for 30 minutes significantly increases the production of the happy hormone oxytocin.

This article was originally published in Singapore Women's Weekly.