Embracing her spark: The mum who left her medical career to support caregivers of special needs kids

“I thought I was going to die,” says Dr Lim Hong Huay, 51, recalling the time when she was suffering from severe acute respiratory syndrome (SARS) – and pregnant with her first child in 2003. “I asked myself then what I would give my life for, and I realised that my family actually means a lot to me,” she says, adding that she and her unborn baby survived the ordeal.

The former developmental and behavioural paediatrician, 51, is married to Dr Leong Hoe Nam, an infectious diseases physician. They have three children: Marianne, 20; Vivianne, 15; and Lucas, 13. Her eldest and youngest children have autism.

Changing priorities

Dr Lim gave up her career at KK Women’s and Children’s Hospital in 2017, when the reality sank in that she could not keep up with her three children and the demands of her work. She ended up devoting herself completely to her children, much to the detriment of her personal relationship with her husband.

“I realised that looking after your family is also about looking after your relationship with your spouse, because the best gift you can give to your children is a happy marriage,” she says.

As her children grew up, the dynamics of her family changed. Having a more direct and authoritative approach (for instance, to keep them safe) used to work in their early years, but it became clear to her that she needed to change the way she related to them as they matured.

“It’s no longer what I want that is important, but rather, what they want and how I can support them,” she explains.

It also dawned on her that it was just as important to focus on herself. She once joined a support group when caregiving duties took a toll on her. However, instead of receiving support, she found herself trying to attend to other members seeking advice when they knew she was a doctor.

She was touched when the group’s leader reminded everyone that she, too, was a mother, and that every caregiver is a person. From that moment, she came to understand the importance of treasuring her own personhood.

“I had lost myself to serving as a mother, and I needed to build up myself so that I’d be able to love my children better. If I was so unhappy with myself, how was I going to make my family happy? We can only love others if we love ourselves,” she shares.

That learning point has helped Dr Lim to serve many families since she founded CaringSG, a non-profit initiative to support caregivers of persons with special needs, four years ago.

CaringSG offers three programmes: Carebuddy, which pairs trained caregiving volunteers with other caregivers for support; Careconnect, which provides emotional support, resources, and connections through webinars and events; and Carewell, which connects caregivers with trained professionals to create a family support plan.

“What drives me are the caregivers of special needs children. Despite the challenges and discrimination, they rise above that, and do whatever they can to better the future for their children and families,“ she says.

In the past year, the organisation engaged 6,000 participants in webinars and events, established 260 touch points with over 250 volunteers, co-organised three national carnivals, hosted conferences, and participated in the Purple Parade, an annual gathering that celebrates the abilities of people with disabilities.

“My eldest daughter, Marianne, is involved in the Purple Symphony Choir. The kids also help out at Purple Parade events every year, as much as they can,“ she shares.

Building blocks of a loving family

Strong commitment, effective communication and remarkable courage are qualities that strengthen a family.

“Love is a choice that I make to be with you, no matter what you do or what you can give me. This commitment is why my family has been able to weather all our ups and downs,” she explains.

When miscommunication leads to unhappiness, she finds that a dose of patience, forgiveness, respect or humour is necessary to keep the peace.

Dr Lim feels that what works for one family may not work for another, but having the courage to move forward when a situation crops up at home is important. “Never mind mistakes, because we can learn from them. Just be brave and try,” she says.

She also believes that being courageous to try something new can uplift loved ones, such as the time when her husband picked up cycling – at 50 years old – just so he could partake in her love for cycling with her.

“That’s what I mean by being courageous for one another,” she says.

Created in partnership with DBS, “HER WORLD, HER SPARK” is a series highlighting trailblazing women in Singapore with the courage to live fully. These women believe in themselves, push boundaries, advocate for change, and prioritise what truly matters. Through each story, we hope to inspire everyone to trust the spark that resides within each of us.

PHOTOGRAPHY Shawn Paul Tan
ART DIRECTION Adeline Eng & Ray Ticsay
HAIR Angel Gwee, using Davines
MAKEUP Benedict Choo, using Cle De Peau Beaute
WARDROBE COORDINATION Lena Kamarudin
COORDINATION Chelsia Tan