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7 better conversation starters than “how are you”

Skip the awkward small talk with these alternatives that will keep the conversation going.

By Cheryl Lai-Lim - 

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“How are you?” is pretty much the standard opening line to every conversation at networking events. I don't know about you, but it's always a conundrum for me whenever I’m asked this question.

Should I reply, “I’m fine, thank you, how about you?” at the risk of sounding like an autopilot cog in a wheel of acceptable social etiquettes? Or should I say, “Actually, I’ve been stressed to the point where even drinking five shots of espresso doesn’t work out anymore and so I’ve just downed my six shot for the day and not only do I wish that was tequila, but also I’m wondering if six shots will be sufficient enough to keep me awake, and so on a scale of 1 to 10, I’d say I’m like a 4 right now. What about you?”

Neither answers work out, for the first will inevitably lead to conversations about the weather after I receive the classic “I’m fine too” reply, while the latter will lead to an awkward silence and my conversation partner discreetly taking a few steps away, 

My point is – how many times have you heard anyone offering an answer that will lead into meaningful conversation? So, if you’re hoping to become better at small talk, we’ve devised some alternatives to "how are you?" that will hopefully get the conversation going.

Have you been to an event like this before?

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1/7

This is an easy conversation starter that can be modified for various types of events, from networking sessions to informal gatherings. If they answer “yes”, you can ask them about their past experiences or any advice they might have; if the answer is “no”, you can share more about how you’re feeling and how you discovered the event.

How has your week been so far?

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This is a great starter to ask as it helps people share interesting anecdotes rather than giving an autopilot answer of “Fine” or “Good.”

How have you been at work recently?

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An alternative to the “so, what do you do?” career question, asking if someone has been busy at work or if they’re working on anything exciting helps the other person open up about their job and what they do for a living.

Are there any personal passion projects that you’re working on right now?

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Once you get the conversation going, this question helps to uncover common interests that you and your conversation partner have – you never know what secret side hustle they might be working on! It’s also a great question if you’re looking to get to know them personally.

I’m a bit nervous about ____. Have you ever done it before?

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Showing a hint of vulnerability can get your conversation partner to lower their defences. It’s also a good conversation starter to gain invaluable advice to whatever challenges that you’re facing!

What's the most interesting thing you've seen this week?

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This question is a better conversation starter as it is specific, encourages personal sharing, promotes positivity, is open-ended, and provides an opportunity for storytelling.

People sometimes have fascinating stories or experiences to share, and this question allows them to do so, making the conversation more captivating.

How's the food?

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This one is obviously only applicable in settings with food, such as dinner parties or events where food is served, but asking about the food can create an easy and light-hearted opening for a conversation, allowing people to discuss their food preferences or experiences.

You can follow-up the question with "What's your favourite cuisine/restaurant?", and asking about it can lead to discussions about taste, preferences, and even recommendations.

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