Is your partner gaslighting you? Here are the signs

They're manipulative with their words

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A gaslighter is usually one who is fond of using manipulative language when they speak to their significant other. More often than not, these gaslighters are more narcissistic and they tend to use their words to manipulate you into doing something you don't want to do just because they want you to.

 

They accuse you of being too sensitive

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When being in a relationship with a gaslighter, you tend to be hypersensitive with what you say or even the things that you do. Obviously, making your partner upset is the last thing you'd want to happen, so you're constantly on your toes making sure that you don't do anything to make them unhappy. However, by doing so, there are times when gaslighting starts to erode your self-confidence, and in turn, it creates more problems than you had before.

This time, gaslighters will accuse you of being paranoid, imagining things, or being too sensitive. For instance, you will find them saying things like, "You're so sensitive, why do you have to make a fuss out of everything?"

They're inconsistent

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The actions of a gaslighter tend to not coincide. They can say one thing and do something totally different. Most of the time, what they say is literally just talk – they’ll say anything just to distract you from what they're really doing, which is bound to be something that will upset you. Pay attention to the actions, not the words.

You’re always apologising

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You find that you’re constantly saying sorry and, half the time, you have no idea why you’re doing it. A gaslighter is somehow able to turn the tables on their victim so easily that they never take responsibility for anything they’ve done wrong. In fact, it’s often the other party who ends up apologising, as they wear them down so much that saying sorry and ending the discussion is usually the best way to handle things.

They bring up your past

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Your partner keeps score of the negative things you’ve done to them and will use these against you at every opportunity. They do this just to make you feel like an awful person so that they come across as the superior one in your relationship. Bringing up your past also throws you out of kilter as you wouldn’t expect your partner to do such a thing. Also, apart from hurting you, you might also realise all over again that you did something wrong and will, once again, end up apologising.

They constantly dismiss you

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You question things they've said or done but they won't give you any answers. Instead, they dismiss all your thoughts and fears. It’s also not uncommon for a gaslighter to say things to you that make you feel like you’re losing your mind. You might even soon be questioning your own sanity and this will then make it unlikely that you’ll turn to someone else to get advice on your relationship. This is the gaslighter’s way to make you doubt yourself so that you won’t reveal what they are doing, meaning you won’t get any advice that will actually be helpful to you. Or, worse still, you’ll end up being so manic that, even if you do mention anything to anyone else, it’s possible that nobody will believe you.

They use your weaknesses against you

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Whether it’s your insecurities or the love you have for your friends and family, your gaslighting partner knows how to hit you where it hurts. So if you tell them you’re unhappy about something they said or did, for example, they’ll expertly turn the conversation around and end up making it about how weak or unworthy you are. They know just what to say to throw you off your game, even if you’re ‘winning’ the argument. This, in turn, makes you feel like you can’t go on with the conversation so you shut down and they, once again, gets away scot-free.

They make you feel like you’re the bad one

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Even if it’s clear that they've done something wrong, they are somehow able to twist things around to put the blame on you. For example, if they've been neglecting the relationship and haven’t made much time for you, and you bring this up, they will flip the conversation and end up accusing you for being a control freak or a psycho partner. Whatever the scenario, they will succeed in using your words against you and leaving you dumbfounded at the end.

They confuse you on purpose

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Stability is one thing that most of us aim to achieve in our lives, so this is exactly what your partner will attempt to take away from you in order to make you feel more dependent on them. They’ll do things that will make you question everyone else in your life so that they’ll be the only one you trust. This then gives them the upper hand they want and you won’t even realise they're doing it until it’s too late.

Bottom line

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At the end of the day gaslighting may be bearable to some for awhile, but over time, it can take a toll on your mental health, so be sure to not suppress those feelings when you start noticing these red flags. And while we do love our partners, it's important that you don't dismiss these troubling signs in your relationship. In the long run, gaslighting will only cause more damage to your mental and emotional state, and if talking things out with your partner doesn't work out, it's a clear sign that you might want to think twice about staying in a toxic relationship.