For this millennial, romance is more than just a bond between lovers

As a millennial, my expectations of lovers no longer mean grand displays of affections, or falling madly in love like protagonists do in the movies. While a part of me still treasures magical moments with a special someone, I recognise it is unrealistic to drift in that dreamy state for too long. Because what comes after the sparkles have settled into stillness? 

Amid mounting responsibilities, I am now at the stage of life where fantasies of Disney-esque fairytales are firmly tucked at the back of my mind. When one has to juggle work, chores, and the general administration that adult life demands, remaining in a heightened state of infatuation is not sustainable.

This, however, is not disillusionment. It is just that a clearer picture of reality has crept in.

A partner can be a great complement to one’s enjoyment of the world if the bond evolves into something transcendental. A place where time stands still, where lovers lose themselves in each other. But romance is not limited to an experience shared between two individuals. It can be a never-ending affair to make the ordinary, extraordinary. Something that everyone – whether in a relationship or not – is capable of.

When I asked the millennials around me what being romantic means to them, a resounding number of responses ran along the lines of “doing things from the heart”, rather than going through the motions of life mechanically without care. 

Interpersonal relationships aside, some examples include paying attention to details in matters that are important to us, such as our work. Interestingly enough, the Chinese term for being attentive is 用心 (yong xin), which directly translates to “using heart”. 

Rather than remain in the logical constructs of the world, I find that getting lost in idealism offers me an escape into dreaming for a better life for myself and the people around me. And when I heed my intuition and act on my idyllic impulses, I channel the formless into form.

This act is not limited to practice by people in the creative profession. Entrepreneurship, hospitality, research, and social activism are also a few examples where people hone the craft of bringing the unseen into the seen. 

Just take a look at your surroundings now – every man-made product is once someone’s labour of love, passion, and dream. The world is built from the visions of romantics who took action. How we express ourselves in our own unique way, is what makes us special and needed in this world. 

The greatest love affair then, perhaps, is one that we have with ourselves, and what we wish to offer to the world.

Saraswati Rachel is a psychotherapist and musician currently based in South-east Asia and New Zealand.