Mullet
Saturday I got up and rode into town to Dellaria on Comm. ave to visit my friend Danielle. So she could give me a sweet mullet.
I never brush my hair, as Danielle soon found out. She handed the brush over to me and I didn’t fair any better at untangling the mess. Soon I was bleached up with those weird little foil thingies and thrown under an old lady hair dryer from the 50’s. I’d have more photos of this process, but my camera battery died and who cares anyways? You’re all thirsty for the Kentucky waterfall anyhow.
I warned everyone here about the imminent mullet, so here. I’m not even going to ruin this post with inept sentences. Just look at what I did to myself…
Chillin…
Smilin…
Chillaxin…
Greetin…
Watchin…
Fightin…
Discoverin…
Surveyin….
Nappin…
There you have it. My first mullet since I was 8 years old. I didn’t enjoy it nearly as much as the first time around. All 12 pounds of hair you see above is now in the trash can in the bathroom.
I hope you enjoyed this journey. Vote for your favorite today!
absolutely amazing.
magnificent. five minutes pass…i’m still laughing…
You are something special, Matt. Something special indeed.
okay. thats it. i havent laughed this hard since …i cant say , but its been a while. i am also shocked, horrified, and really amazed that you look at your hair….as …just hair. how many people cannot look at you in the eye now with out doubling over?? umm…permission to use a couple of your trailer hick photos? my roller derby team is the trailer park tornados, and really…you could be our web MASCOT. the inbred-ded- ness of the “fightin” pic just floors me. let me know,thanks.- linda
it’s between greetin and surveyin for me, tough call. i think i’m going with greetin though.
you must have been grossing yourself out all night!
Discoverin’.
oh my god. you so fucking delivered!!!!!!! thank you thank you thank you!
I so hope this makes you rich and famous.
my vote: watchin’… or discoverin’.
hey, have you seen FUBAR?
wow…. you know - it’s not so often that I’m wrong, but in this case, boy was I ever… This is beautiful. Just beautiful.
Matt - we need to hang out this week!
hork. “discoverin’” did make me laugh though.
HO.LY. SHIT. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. I’m so happy i know you.
You’re awesome.
definitely discoverin’. so amazing I don’t even know where to begin. wow.
Discoverin is good, but the crotch-eye view of nappin is hot.
gosh dang, i’m the luckiest girl in the world.
Okay, we’re all laughing and horking and splooting our tea on our monitors….but….”Chillin” is kind of … hot, doesn’t anyone besides me think so? Not to be confused with “Chillaxin” please, but yeah, Chillin is my yummy favorite.
I have to go with Discoverin’, but I also really like Greetin’ because it reminds me of my redneck-mountain-town upbringing. These are really awesome photos!
greetin’, by FAR, it just takes the cake.
some people might say you went over the top with surveyin’, but i think you are brave. well done.
For me, it’s a toss up between “Chillin” and “Chillaxin.” The “You wanna piece a’me?” t-shirt and the leather jacket are just too perfect.
Greetin…and discoverin. Wow.
Surveyin is by far the best. I love the leg cocked out to the side, the relaxed but manly hands on hips, the overall posture with the flowing mullet mane is just plain HOTT.
I live in Whitehorse Yukon where mullets are the standard. But yours tops even the hairdos on the mangiest of sasquatches.
nice work!
Oh god, I wish it never ended. My vote’s for fightin’. It’s so authentic. Thank you for your gift to humanity!
[seen on “daily links” at dooce.com]
saw a link to this from dooce and have to say fightin’ is awesome because it totally looks like it could be a lost and found snapshot from the seventies of one of my uncles…totally authentic looking! hilarious.
very gangster. My favorite must be with the 12pack of Corona….classic.
I like “Greetin’” - it’s like a JC Penney’s ad shot in Covington KY.
Breathtaking. I’m both relieved and disappointed that you didn’t include a photo entitled “Fuckin’”.
please get a good haircut now so you don’t look like a jerk. you’re obviously too smart for that.
“….the hair you see above is now in the trash can in the bathroom”
No one read that. Everyone thinks I still have the mullet.
Fightin. No rockstar mullet shot is complete without the requisite wife beater with at least one hairy peck taking a breather for the super squeezed ass and equipment up front. Yay!
Hooker, that’s awsome. My vote is smilin’. It blows the rest of them out of the water.
i’m diggin’ greetin’. the jorts, the sideburns, the beers. although you really should have used hamms or keystone instead of that fancy corona brand.
AUGH! You look like my cousins in these photos-at least up until the late 80s.
My favorite is the chillin’–what attitude! Awesome!
Discoverin, definitely.
My relatives in the vicinity of Lucasville prison will be getting a copy of that shot inside their Christmas card this year.
Stellar. So Summer wardrobe-Hesianny(Heshaney) I can barely deal with it! It makes me feel like when I was 13 or 14 and dudes that looked like mullet-you at block parties and amusement parks would look at me in a way that made me sicked out, but then older, cool guy hot and turned on. Gross, I am super grossed out, and AGAIN turned on. How dare you, and keep it coming. It is never too late to go back and feel like a perved out, permed out, mullet-wearin’, almost teen molester. Yes, 29 is too old, but hey man, your only 28 1/2 right? So funny! I like the Greetin, Watchin, Fightin mantage with the beat down, hagged out lawn chair as an ambiance piece. Nice touch. Last but not least, a true compliment to you, my friend: It takes a serious artist and actor to go from such a SMFer to such a douche bag for the ages. Bravo my good man, encore.
Oh my god…GROSSSSSS. I love it.
I never knew the awesomeness of the mullet until I came to this great country. I’m also glad I never knew the awesomeness of the mullet until I was old enough to know good from EVIL!
Okay.. You’re rockin’ the mullet, but dude, the cameltoe.. O.M.G! Pick a side, left or right… never split up the boys!
That haircut is beyond heinous. Please, for the love of god, chop the whole mess off, wear something from this decade, and M.O.V.E. O.N.
And if you don’t, stay in whatever hillbilly state you live in.
This is the funniest thing I have seen online in a long time. I love the
“discoverin’” one.
Nice mullet! My friend tells me you are an artist. I am too. I’m pretty good, too. where can I see more of your art?
~Star
My fav is the greetin’ but it should have been some pabst blue ribbon and don’t forget the cigarette danglin’ out of your lips.. Too funny, definitely going to pass this website on to my friends. Thanks for the laugh.. Who knew they even still taught mullets in cosmotology school..
Nappin. Definitely. Though I also love Discoverin. You are amazing. Absolutely amazing. Thank you.
Dude.
That is GLORIOUS.
LMAO!! All that was missing was your teeth are to nice and there’s no beer gut!! Trust me I live right outside Memphis TN where I amuse myself at public events by picking the nastiest mullet in the crowd. Yours didn’t come close. But nice try!! I must remember to thank Dooce for the laugh!!
Dude. Ok, that was fun, but you could have at least donated all that hair to Locks for Love.
I am sure you have heard it before but I am awestruck that someone so lovely can become so, ummm, frightening with a simple haircut. I do not think I have ever seen a finer example of a mullet, even having grown up in the 70’s they didn’t grow em like that. Cheers to you for your experiment, you may be my new hero.
K
I wouldn’t want little kids wearing that rats nest. My hair wasn’t that nice.
Oh my! There are so many good pictures to choose from, but there are 2 that stand out as the *best*.
It would be a toss-up between “Greetin” and “Fightin”, and it’s simply based on the mood I’m in. Do I want to hang out in your drive way with you? Or are you going to beat down some guy? I’d probably rather hang out with you, but both pictures are unbelievably authentic.
But I also have to agree, the Corona was a smidge expensive and highclass for such a mullet.
Rock on.
l e g e n d.
that is true art.
Hilarious!!!
Glad those blond ends of yours were gone. That did not look right. The shorts were way hot though.
HAHA!
Hilarious! I am laughing so hard..
Discoverin’, definitely.
First read this days ago and still cannot stop laughing…
Dude-I don’t even know you, but that is one of the best things ever. You just made my year (and you would have made my screen saver if I was not so afraid of judgement.)
Discoverin’, definitely: “Look Maw, it’s a BUDerfly!”
And no, everyone did read the part about you cutting it off. We’re just all in heavy denial. Speak gently to us.
Un-fucking-believable. You totally rule. I haven’t laughed so long in…I can’t even remember. Feels good. I am now a faithful Matt Hooker reader. But I didn’t make the decision quickly, I just came from your Breakfast post, and damn if you didn’t have me bustin’ there too. Pepperidge Farm style indeed. You’re a natural. Keep up the great work.
Oh, and there all great but there’s something about Surveyin’ that just cuts me up. Roo’s sister describes it pretty good. Oh, and Roo’s sister…Whitehorse Yukon? Holy fuck. I’ve seen that on a map and figured anyone living up in that part of the world must be wearing buckskins and Bowie knives. I would have never guessed Internet access. I’ve been in the middle of the Bering Sea and had access via satellite…must be it, huh? But I digress.
Again, bravo Mr. Hooker.
good god, that was hot!
your hand of fear tattoo is lovely
Hilarious!!!
I like greetin’ and discoverin’ the best.
l-o-v-e it!
I think I’ll go with watchin’ & fightin’!
Surveyin & Watchin
Those are great.
Discoverin… and Greetin…
I misread the captions. The mullet has me thinkin all kooky-like.
I’m partial to Discoverin’, but they’re all just simply fantastic. Amazing how a little bitty hairstyle can transform so completely! Hey so do we get to see an after shot?
Son, you are my Internets hero of the day.
I shed a tear, a tiny golden tear. I’m so PROUD of YOU!
YES
Hooker, sorry but I have to use comments to reply to Destry…
Destry - Roo of Roo’s Sister fame here. Are you kidding about Whitehorse? Sure, it’s remote and far north, but it’s the capital of a Canadian Territory with paved roads, cafes, ethnic restaurants (by that I mean, Thai, Indian and Mexican, to name a few), a health food store, a few big box places, and a vibrant population of over 20,000. It also has beautiful mountains and rivers, some of the best nordic and backcountry skiing in the world (in winter), and yes, Internet.
Your BlackBerry won’t work up there though. Hahahaha.
My god, every time I come back to this page I can’t believe I didn’t look at it yesterday. So fantastic. SO. FANTASTIC.
The best 80’s image!!!
I like the new hairstyle, the home-cut T-shirt and almost slim fit jeans.
Rock on!
I think this is the funniest thing I have every seen. I am crying……
Great Job!