The Singleporean: Discovering my feminine power in my mid-30s

The Singleporean is an anonymous column by a 30something, female Singaporean writer who’s obviously single (and cautiously ready to mingle). She pens her thoughts on work, relationships, and adulting from the lens of a millennial on the cusp of a mid-life crisis.

I never imagined that I’d find myself in such a compromising position. Perched precariously on the edge of a flimsy, foldable chair in six-inch platform heels, I gripped the brass pole with one hand and attempted a sexy body wave that ended up looking more like the Kallang Wave instead.

My dance partner, a woman in her 50s, smiled at me encouragingly as I tried to avoid face-planting. I started my new pole dancing hobby over two months ago. In search of a more challenging workout on top of my regular yoga and barre classes, I signed up for a trial and was instantly hooked.

What I didn’t expect was for pole dancing to become more than just a way to stay in shape. It has introduced me to an inclusive and diverse community of women who have showed me that regardless of age or size, the pole is a safe space for self-expression without judgement.

Along the way, we learnt to love our curves and bodies. Most of us began our first class in athletic gear, but by the sixth, we were in bodysuits, bikinis and garter belts as we tackled new – and often gravity-defying – tricks.

Leaning into my womanhood

As a child, I was a tomboy who spent her days catching spiders with the other boys in the school field. In my young adulthood, I sported a pixie cut for several years and embraced a gamine style.

The stereotypical construct of femininity (being mindful, looking demure) never came naturally to me. A severe, scarring eczema flare-up on my legs and a 10kg weight gain during the Covid-19 pandemic led me to stockpile loose-fitting pants and shirts. What I initially thought were layers of clothing to conceal my flaws eventually became a crutch for my physical insecurities. By early 2024, I’d had enough.

With supportive friends as accountability partners, I committed to a strict exercise and diet regimen that helped me shed the excess kilos over the past year. With pole dancing, however, I’m on an entirely new journey. I’m now leaning into my womanhood as my superpower.

Every sensual move is a step closer to self-love (it takes real grit to keep a video diary of those flailing limbs). Each failed attempt at a trick makes the eventual mastery even sweeter. I’d leave each class with bruises on my arms and legs, but by the end of the semester, I’d feel stronger and more confident than ever.

When I take a bold twirl around the pole, I land firmly on both feet – and I’m doing it all in sky-high stilettos. To me, this is what it truly means to be feminine, and it’s how I’m embracing my femininity in my 30s.

Have a topic you’d like us to explore? Email your suggestions to magherworld@sph.com.sg with ‘The Singleporean’ in the header.