Solo Dating: Why taking yourself out could completely transform your self-esteem

You might have heard this phrase before – “You should love yourself before you can love someone else”. This isn’t just some mantra found on motivational posters; self-care is a concept that impacts your physical and mental health.

Dr Natalie Games, clinical psychologist at Alliance Counselling, says that taking care of ourselves directly impacts our ability to function, handle stress and engage meaningfully with others.

“Self-care involves setting boundaries, prioritising rest and engaging in activities that recharge us,” she explains. “When we neglect self-care, it can lead to burnout, anxiety and a host of physical issues, while investing time in ourselves fosters resilience and well-being. 

“Overall, I encourage people to make self-care a non-negotiable part of their daily routine, framing it as a powerful way to take control of our lives and improve our overall health,” she adds. 

Why not start your self-care journey by – wait for it – dating yourself? Before you laugh at the thought of booking a table at a romantic restaurant for one or buying flowers for yourself on special occasions (there’s nothing wrong with doing either of these, by the way) we mean dating in terms of getting to know yourself. Perhaps it’s time to ask yourself some questions that you would ask someone you’re getting to know romantically on the first few dates.

When you do this, you’re building a strong relationship with yourself and this sets the foundation for healthier relationships with others, says Dr Games. Plus, there are various benefits to self-awareness, such as better decision-making, a boost in confidence and a better understanding of our needs and desires. 

“So, by knowing ourselves, we can set boundaries, pursue our passions and ultimately create a more fulfilling life,” Dr Games adds.

Another benefit of getting to know ourselves is that we’ll build a sense of worthiness and connection, both with ourselves and others. 

“When we have a better understanding of our emotions, values and experiences, it allows us to live more authentically,” Dr Games reveals. “When we embrace who we are, flaws and all, we cultivate self-compassion and resilience.”

Having this self-awareness enables us to foster deeper, more meaningful relationships, as we can only connect with others when we first connect with ourselves. Dr Games encourages everyone to embrace self-reflection and take the time to explore what truly makes them happy.

The benefits of being single

Just because you aren’t in a romantic relationship doesn’t mean that you’re not winning at life. In fact, being single comes with a host of evidence-based benefits; Dr Games cites some of them:

Enhanced personal growth: Studies suggest that single individuals often have more opportunities for self-discovery and personal development. A study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that being single allows for greater exploration of personal interests and identity, leading to increased self-awareness and autonomy.

Stronger social networks: Research in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships indicates that single individuals may cultivate more diverse social networks. Without the time constraints of a romantic relationship, they often invest more in friendships and community connections, which can enhance overall well-being.

Improved mental health: A study published in Social Psychological and Personality Science found that single individuals report lower levels of stress and anxiety compared to those in unsatisfactory relationships. Being single can offer a sense of freedom and control over one’s life, which can contribute to better mental health outcomes.

Greater resilience: Single people may develop stronger coping skills and resilience as they often rely on themselves for support. Research published in Personality and Individual Differences suggests that single individuals can experience greater emotional independence and self-sufficiency, fostering resilience in the face of challenges.

Increased time for pursuing goals: A study in the Journal of Marriage and Family highlights that singles often have more time and energy to pursue personal and professional goals. This can lead to higher levels of achievement and satisfaction in various life domains.

Better focus on self-care: Research in Psychology of Popular Media suggests that single individuals may engage more in self-care practices. The autonomy of being single can lead to a greater emphasis on health and well-being, contributing to a more balanced lifestyle.

“These findings illustrate that being single can offer unique advantages, fostering personal growth, strong social connections and enhanced mental well-being,” says Dr Games.

Don’t give in to the noise 

If you decide to date yourself – whether permanently or for the time being – instead of getting involved in a romantic relationship, you might be faced with questions from nosy relatives or friends. This is when you should clearly communicate your choice to prioritise self-discovery and self-care. 

Also, Dr Games suggests to keep your responses brief, as “you don’t owe anyone a detailed explanation”. So say something like, “I’m enjoying this time for personal growth,” to deflect further questions. It’s crucial to be assertive, so use “I” statements to express your feelings. For example, “I feel happy and fulfilled focusing on my own journey right now,” which helps reinforce your choice without inviting further debate. 

“Be proud of your decision to date yourself; own it and remind yourself that it’s a positive choice for your growth,” Dr Game points out. “Sometimes lightening the mood with humour is really helpful. A playful response can diffuse tension and signal that you’re comfortable with your decision.”

“Ultimately, reinforce that you have the right to prioritise yourself and that others’ opinions shouldn’t dictate your choices. Stay true to yourself, and don’t let nosy questions shake your confidence,” she adds. 

Date nights with yourself 

When planning dates with yourself, focus on activities that promote self-discovery and enjoyment. Here are some practical and empowering date ideas from Dr Games:

• Explore a new hobby – dive into something you’ve always wanted to try, whether it’s painting, gardening or photography. Engaging in a hobby can spark joy and creativity.
• Plan a day trip – take a day to explore a nearby city or nature spot. Enjoy the adventure of discovering new places on your own terms.
• Solo movie marathon – pick a theme or a series and have a cosy movie night at home. Make your favourite snacks and enjoy a guilt-free binge.
• Mindfulness walk: Go for a walk and practice mindfulness. Pay attention to your surroundings, breathe deeply and reflect on your thoughts. This can be a great way to reconnect with yourself.
• Embrace your uniqueness – practice loving yourself as you are; being true to yourself and embracing your individuality.
• Have a self-care day – dedicate a day to pampering yourself. This could include a bubble bath, skincare routine or a good book. Prioritise what makes you feel good.
• Celebrate life – celebrate life’s moments, big and small. Whether it’s dressing up for a night out or enjoying a quiet evening at home, find joy in every experience.

“Finally, I cannot stress enough the importance of living authentically and not being afraid to express yourself fully,” Dr Games pleads. “Your journey of self-discovery is unique and it’s worth celebrating.

“The idea of dating yourself is all about enjoying your own company and learning what brings you joy. It’s a powerful way to build confidence and self-love!” she adds.