Surviving Chinese New Year conversations: A modern guide for millennials and Gen Zs

Chinese New Year is as much about family reunions as it is about navigating the social minefield that comes with them. Between celebratory feasts and the ritual exchange of red packets, there’s often a lurking inevitability: nosy questions and unsolicited remarks from well-meaning relatives. Whether it’s a probing query about your relationship status or a casual comment on your appearance, these exchanges can leave even the most composed of us scrambling for a response. But fear not – graceful navigation is possible, and it starts with the right mindset.

Turning awkward family encounters into moments of connection

To decode the art of handling such moments with poise, we turned to Simone Heng, human connection specialist and award-winning author of Let’s Talk About Loneliness. With over 20 years of experience inspiring meaningful connections, Simone offers invaluable insights into why these situations occur and how to rise above them.

“Older generations were raised in environments where boundaries were a luxury,” Simone explains. Tight-knit households and a culture of interconnectedness meant family involvement in every aspect of life was the norm. While we now favour privacy, their remarks are often rooted in care rather than critique. “Comments like ‘Why have you become so dark?’ reflect survival mindsets, not intentional offence,” she notes, adding a touch of empathy to these exchanges.

Simone’s advice for handling these interactions begins with emotional regulation. Techniques like box breathing – inhale for four seconds, hold for eight seconds, then exhale for the next eight seconds – can prevent reactive responses and help you stay composed. She also recommends stepping away if emotions run high. “Excusing yourself to the bathroom can cut the stress cord and give you time to reset,” she shares. Additionally, observing conversations as an outsider, rather than engaging emotionally, can help maintain your calm.

From Simone’s perspective, the key lies in balancing respect for familial traditions with maintaining personal boundaries. “Empathy, humour, and self-regulation go a long way in turning these moments into opportunities for connection,” she adds.

Handling common awkward phrases with Simone Heng’s expert tips

So, what do you do when faced with the inevitable “Why are you still not married?” or “How much are you earning now?” With Simone’s strategies and a touch of self-awareness, you can navigate Chinese New Year conversations like a pro – or at least master your pineapple tart escape plan.

• Wah, so long already never find job. How like that?

Simone’s tip: “Oh auntie, these days can make a lot of money online while waiting for the right full-time role. Things different now – I’m taking a break so I can focus and find a job that really fits me.”

Why this is helpful: It subtly educates her about the online opportunities she might not know about, assures her you’re still earning, and highlights that younger generations prioritise purpose in career choices.

• Girl, so long never see you. Now you so big size already! Why like that?

Simone’s tip: “Hah! I’m enjoying my life! My curves are a sign of prosperity, right? Isn’t that what CNY is all about?”

Why this is helpful: This response flips the comment into a positive, reminding her of the festive spirit and keeping the tone light without being defensive.

• How come you so old already still single?

Simone’s tip: “I’m single because I don’t believe in settling for substandard relationships. You don’t want divorces in the family, do you?”

Why this is helpful: It shifts the focus onto the relative’s conservative values, reframing being single as a thoughtful choice rather than a flaw.

• How come so long already with your boyfriend but still haven’t marry?

Simone’s tip: “Hah, why don’t you ask him?”

Why this is helpful: This puts the spotlight on your partner, a position the relative may be less comfortable with, deterring further probing.

• You marry so long already but still no baby?

Simone’s tip: “We believe bringing life into the world is a big responsibility. You need a license to drive, but anyone can have a baby – waiting shows how much we value the decision.”

Why this is helpful: It’s a respectful and mature reply that gently upholds the privacy of your choices while reframing the topic as thoughtful rather than dismissive.

• You wear makeup so thick! Where got nice?

Simone’s tip: “Actually, full-coverage makeup is very in right now! Haven’t you seen online? I personally love it.”

Why this is helpful: This response shows confidence in your choices and subtly lets them know their critique won’t affect you, likely discouraging further comments.

• How much you earning now ah?

Simone’s tip: “Thanks for asking, but that’s quite personal. I feel my worth isn’t tied to my salary – being kind, generous, and happy is what really matters, right?”

Why this is helpful: It politely establishes a boundary while reminding the relative of the festive spirit of generosity and happiness.

• Why you never study medicine or law?

Simone’s tip: “Actually, being a doctor or lawyer isn’t even the highest-paying job anymore. Starting a business or working online can earn more. I’ll explain to you later, okay?”

Why this is helpful: This highlights how outdated the comment is, gently informs them about new opportunities, and gives you an exit without further engagement.