TikTok’s “We listen and we don’t judge” trend: When confessions go from cute to concerning

If you’re chronically online, chances are you’ve come across couples sitting down, camera rolling, spilling their quirkiest secrets while chanting, “We listen and we don’t judge” on TikTok. It’s one of those relationship mottos that sounds almost too good to be true—vulnerability, trust, open communication, all neatly packaged into a single phrase. But as this trend continues to gain momentum, we can’t help but wonder: Is it really as casual and lighthearted as it appears?

“We listen and we don’t judge” explained

The premise is simple: Couples share personal confessions, ranging from the silly to the serious, with the promise that they won’t judge each other. These confessions can include anything from admitting to ignoring the cat’s vomit so the partner has to clean it up, to calling out each other’s bluff—moments that could either leave viewers laughing or on the edge of their seats, wondering how it might impact the relationship.

Since the trend took off on TikTok, the hashtag #welistenandwedontjudge has racked up 27.1K posts to date, while one of the most liked videos belongs to TikToker Maria Doss Hill (@mariadossshill), whose #welistenandwedontjudge clip has garnered 5.2 million likes. What began as a casual challenge has evolved into a cultural phenomenon, shedding light on the nuances present in modern relationships.

Fun and laughter, peace and joy?

What first drew attention to the trend were confessions that were harmless, relatable, and simply funny. Often, the partner’s reaction is a mix of surprise, mock horror, and amusement, but there’s no judgment—just a shared moment of laughter. One memorable example comes from TikTok couple Michelle and Andy (@andy.and.michelle). In their video, Andy confessed to using Michelle’s toothbrush and tongue scraper, claiming it was his first time. However, he later admitted it wasn’t, prompting Michelle to playfully yell in shock. Andy, on the other hand, just laughed the whole incident off, turning a potentially awkward moment into a humorous exchange.

These confessions highlight how sharing quirky, endearing traits can make us feel more human. In relationships, embracing these imperfections with humour strengthens the bond between partners. Everyone has odd habits or intrusive thoughts they might feel embarrassed about, but when shared with a supportive, open-minded partner, they become opportunities for laughter and acceptance—key ingredients for a thriving relationship.

Crossing the lines with confessions

As we delve deeper into the trend, a darker side begins to emerge. While many confessions start out quirky or trivial, some quickly veer into unsettling territory, challenging the foundation of the “We listen, we don’t judge” mantra. Take, for example, a TikToker’s husband, admitted to lying about being busy whenever she calls (she was pregnant, mind you) just so he could have some time alone to eat. Although it may seem harmless at first glance, it raises an important question: Was needing alone time something worth lying about?

Other confessions are even more troubling. In one video, TikToker Shelby Wilfong (@shelbyywilfong)’s partner reveals that her aunt allowed him to “cop a feel” because she was “wearing a tight skirt,” brushing it off with a casual “that’s all I’m gonna say.” Wilfong, visibly upset, responds, “This was supposed to be funny.” These confessions, shared under the guise of vulnerability, often expose emotional breaches that can’t be so easily dismissed.

Whether or not this content is staged, the trend still poses a real risk: When confessions touch on deeply personal issues or emotional wounds, they may potentially harm the relationship. The “We listen and we don’t judge” mantra may sound supportive, but it falls short when confronting matters that require deeper emotional processing and resolution. Trust, once broken, cannot be restored with a simple non-judgmental response. 

All these begs the questions: How transparent should couples be in their relationships? And what happens when confessions become too raw, exposing uncomfortable truths that are difficult to process or resolve? Also, is the public domain a safe space to air your dirty laundry?

Keeping relationships sacred

While it’s perfectly fine to share the silly, trivial, and funny, some confessions—especially those involving serious betrayals, emotional wounds, or deep fears—are better discussed offline and as far away from the public eye as possible.

Knowing when to share and when to protect your emotional well-being is essential in any relationship. Vulnerability and transparency are important, but emotional safety and privacy are just as vital. Celebrate the quirks, laugh together, but always remember to keep the heart of your relationship sacred. After all, some secrets are better kept between the two of you—or perhaps shared with a therapist, if you’re looking for an audience.