Shireena Shroff Manchharam on breaking emotional barriers when it comes to saying “I love you”

I’m not a love and relationship expert by any means, but I do know this. I love freely, deeply, and wholeheartedly. And I need love, both from myself and others, to feel good. Lately, I’ve been coming across TikTok clips and newspaper articles talking about how difficult it is for many Singaporeans to express love. Experts say we’re simply too busy to show affection, as The Straits Times recently mentioned, but I think it’s more than that. Growing up in an Asian household, we weren’t exactly raised to say “I love you” easily. Instead, we express care in other ways – asking if someone has eaten, offering them a ride home, or making sure they have an umbrella when it rains.

But sometimes, I wonder if we’re afraid to love too much. As if saying “I love you” too often, or telling someone why we love them, might somehow spoil them or make them less strong. It’s an old-fashioned idea, but I see the next generation eager to let go of it. From the moment we’re born, we crave love. We’re soothed by touch, comforted by gentle words, and held close when we cry. It makes us feel safe, warm, and wanted. If love is this essential to us as babies, why would we ever stop needing it? I know that when someone tells me why they love me, it fills my heart in a way nothing else does. And knowing what I love about myself? That fills my cup too.

In the 15 years I’ve been a life coach at Sheens Consulting, I’ve spoken to so many people, some in their 60s, who still long to hear their mother say, “I love you.” That kind of longing never really goes away. So why do we hold back? Why do we wait until it’s too late? I think it starts with us.

When we take the time to understand what we love about ourselves, we begin to see and appreciate those same qualities in others. Love isn’t about calculating what we’ll get in return. It’s about allowing ourselves to express it fully, knowing there’s beauty in the act itself. The truth is, expressing love can feel vulnerable, even scary, but it’s also one of the most joyful things we can do. It releases dopamine and oxytocin, those happy, heartwarming chemicals in our brain that make us feel deeply connected.

Being mindful, noticing the people around us, and actually telling them how much they mean to us is a powerful way to show love. The more we practice it, the more natural it becomes. And yes, if it’s not something you’re used to, it can feel a little awkward or forced at first. But once we break down those walls and let ourselves be both vulnerable and seen, we begin to understand why love is meant to be shared.

With Valentine’s Day around the corner, it’s easy to grab a card or ask ChatGPT to write a sappy poem. But love is so much more than that. It’s about looking at the people we cherish, opening our hearts, and recognizing the deep, unshakable reasons why they mean so much to us. And then, in our own way, whether through words, gestures, or quiet moments of appreciation, finding the courage to express it.

Shireena Shroff Manchharam is a Her World Tribe member, the founder and principal consultant of Sheens Image Consulting, and the founder and creator of Getting to Happy, a mental health movement to inspire our community and society to live happier, more mindful lives.