Why do Singaporeans struggle the most with awkward pauses?

Silence: the uninvited guest that often creeps into conversations when you least expect it. Whether it’s a first date, a work meeting, or a casual chat with a stranger, we’ve all been there. The clock ticks. No one knows what to say next. And suddenly, the silence feels excruciatingly deafening.

But why does it feel so uncomfortable? And why does it seem to happen more often in certain situations? For one, Preply’s recent survey, has some intriguing answers, especially when it comes to the experiences of Singaporeans.

For the uninformed, Preply, is a language-learning platform that connects learners and tutors by using a machine-learning-powered algorithm to recommend a tutor for each student. Recently, the organisation surveyed people from 21 countries to dig into the dynamics of silence. The study focused on understanding when and why people experience discomfort in silence, and Singaporeans had plenty to share. 

So, where do these uncomfortable silences occur most in Singapore, and who are we most likely to experience them with? Let’s break it down.

First dates: The silent killer of conversations

If you’ve ever been on a first date, you know that silence can feel like a ticking time bomb. No matter how smoothly the conversation starts, that inevitable awkward pause can hit, and when it does, it feels like an eternity. According to Preply’s survey, 66% of Singaporeans agree that the first date is the top scenario for an awkward silence. But the discomfort doesn’t stop there. A staggering 33% of people say that first-date silences are the most dreaded conversational moment, with men (36%) feeling a bit more anxious than women (30%).

Why does this happen? Part of it may come from the high expectations we have for a first date. You want to make a lasting impression, keep things light and engaging, and, of course, have a good time. When silence rears its head, it can feel like all those expectations are crashing down.

Strangers and superiors: Singaporeans’ quiet struggle

It’s not just dates that make Singaporeans nervous. Conversations with strangers and workplace superiors can be just as sticky. The survey found that 65% of Singaporeans say casual chats with strangers are ripe for awkward pauses. When you don’t know the other person well, even a slight lull in conversation can feel like a signal of disinterest. 

This is where Singapore’s multicultural environment and four national languages, English, Malay, Mandarin, and Tamil, add to the complexity of our conversational dynamics. With so many different languages and cultures intersecting, a pause can sometimes feel even more loaded. You might start a sentence in one language, switch to another, or struggle to find the right words in the middle of a conversation. These small silences can sometimes feel more pronounced, as people may wonder if they’re being understood, or if a miscommunication has occurred. 

Conversations with workplace superiors can also be intimidating, with 35% of Singaporeans admitting they feel awkward when silences arise, especially due to the power imbalance. The pressure is even higher for older generations and women, who often feel the need to make a strong impression. In these situations, even a brief pause can feel magnified, making the silence even more uncomfortable. The expectation to “perform” or “impress” can turn a small lull into induced anxiety.

Singaporeans tend to be a little less patient with silence

So, how do we stack up against other countries when it comes to the discomfort of awkward silences? Interestingly, while other countries report slightly higher tolerances, Singaporeans are quick to feel uncomfortable in silence. Our quick discomfort in first-date situations (66% ranking it as awkward) places us near the top of the list, along with countries like Italy and Brazil.

Globally, people start feeling awkward in silence after about 6.8 seconds. But Singaporeans have a slightly lower tolerance for quiet moments, at just 6.6 seconds. Not that it’s a massive difference, but it does suggest that we might be a tad quicker to hit that panic button when things go quiet. Talk about being “kan-cheong”.

Why do awkward silences feel so awful?

Silence can often be perceived as a gap that needs to be filled. In a world where we are constantly interconnected, be it through social media, work emails, or casual chats, the sudden absence of words can feel like a void. For many, it’s not just about the silence itself, but what that silence represents. Is the person disinterested? Are they judging you? Are they awkward too? There really is a lot to ponder over.

It’s clear that age, too, plays a role in how we experience awkward silences. Gen Z seems to handle quiet moments better, with only 13% citing silences as uncomfortable during arguments. In contrast, 24% of Boomers report feeling anxious during those quiet pauses, especially in disagreements. It seems the older we get, the more we take to process those uncomfortable moments. But no matter the generation, the awkward silence certainly remains a universal experience.

Let’s embrace the pause

Whether it’s a first date, an elevator ride, or a conversation with your boss, awkward silences are a part of life, especially in Singapore. While we may feel a little more uncomfortable in these moments than some other countries, they don’t have to spell chaos. A slight pause doesn’t always mean a conversation is falling apart. Sometimes, it just means we need a moment to gather our thoughts, or as people like to say “think before you speak”.

So, the next time you find yourself in an uncomfortable silence, take a deep breath, and remember: everyone’s been there. It’s just another part of the beautiful, messy, and wonderfully complex act of communication. After all, not all of us are (or can be) yappers.